Day 27: My Kitchen Doesn’t Want to See Me

—Oh no, not you again. Look, you have to stop coming by.
Well, just let me take a look and see what there is.
—No. I’ve been listening to those conversations between you and your pants. Things aren’t going well between you, and I don’t want to be responsible.
Look, what goes on between me and my pants is none of your business.
—It is as long as the chairs are all complaining, and the porch swing is hoping you won’t even go out there. They all blame me for not saying no when you come around every 20 minutes.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m only out here three times a day.
[The sofa guffaws.]
—How about this? You get a permission slip from the bathroom scale and I’ll open up whenever you want.
That won’t work. The scale doesn’t like me. It isn’t telling me the truth. I know those numbers are inflated just to be mean.
—Well, have you seen yourself in the mirror? You go get permission and come back in four hours and we’ll work something out. And don’t op

Posted by At 2:28 pm